"Hi y’all I am Roberta Snowshoe. Please, do take a moment to appreciate the name. It has a certain “creme de creme”, don't you think?”

 

“I made my debut with this household in 2015. At a mere age of six months. Even then I possessed an unmistakable refinement. Some cats need years to develop grace. Darlin’ I was simply born with such charm. Momma Kitty and Daddy Kitty both had humble beginnings in the country in which I earned the nickname of “Country Bumpkin” as I am kindly referred to by my mere housemates. But I prefer to refer to myself as a “Country Princess.”

(She delicately grooms one paw and the next paw and continues to talk.)

“While Edgar…bless his little heart… crashes like some sort of caffeinated tornado and Otis, a distinguished gentleman lounges in his routine, I maintain the “Southern Charm” around here. Someone has to. Every surface I grace becomes instantly magic. Every ray of sunshine I occupy transforms into a portrait opportunity. It's not vanity, darlin’. It's simply awareness of one's natural gifts.”

(Roberta switching into a different position with her front paws stretched with the likes of an Egyptian Sphynx)

“Pearline Sheba. Yeah, I came in the same year as Miss Country Bumpkins in the kitchen…2015. Don't let that fool you into thinking we're anything alike. Where her life began in the country I am 100% a city cat.” 

( With rotating ears Pearline keeps track of distant sound.)

“Look, I'm not saying I'm suspicious of everything and everybody. But I'm also NOT saying that I’m not. New box in the hallway? I'll check it out from three different angles. Strange noise from the kitchen? Already on it, but I'm taking the long route with maximum cover. That's not fear, that's strategy.”

( Pearline creeps forward, then suddenly bops an imaginary target with lightning speed).

“I've got what Otis calls ‘alertness”’, whatever that is. What Edgar calls "WHY ARE YOU SWATTING ME?!" It’s not my fault everyone else moves before they think. I explore and I investigate. I occasionally launch a preemptive strike on anything that looks suspicious. Which are the best things?”

(Pearline looks around the room as if she’s staking out a mouse.)

“Roberta aka Ms Southern Kitty says I'm "high-strung." I say, I'm prepared for the unexpected. There's a big difference. Every new item needs thorough inspection. Behind every closed door could be a Yao Ming waiting to attack. So, when you have a cat like him in your house you must be aware of your surroundings at all times. “

( Pearline suddenly freezes and stares toward the door of the living room.)

“ Did you see Yao Ming Lorenzo? I don’t trust him with my golden eyes wide open.”

(With a quickness Pearline Sheba rushes back to the couch and hides. Not long after Pearline made her way to hide behind the couch her adversary appeared. A muscular cat with a unique ticked tabby pattern enters the room from the hallway. With a light bounce to his gait his hazel eyes gleam with suspicion.)

“My fur? Softer than fresh-spun cotton and twice as pretty. My posture? Flawless. My ability to look devastatingly beautiful, darlin’ ? Pure Southern charm.”

“ I chose to be rescued. I simply authorized a tactical relocation to more suitable accommodations. “

 

( With a slow and elegant blink Roberta stood from her cat loaf position and gave a forward stretch of her front limbs)

 

“Now, if you'll excuse me darlin’, I have some cooking to do in the kitchen. Nothin’ like some southern cooked tuna covered with some tuna puree gravy. Who better to cook than a “Country Bumpkin” I mean “Country Chef”.

 

( As Roberta exits the living room with a regalness, another cat alert emerges from behind the furniture cautiously and carefully. With a compact built body and eyes of gold this female black cat mirrors a miniature panther. She pauses to survey the room).

 

 

 

“Pearline Sheba. Yeah, I came in the same year as Miss Country Bumpkins in the kitchen…2015. Don't let that fool you into thinking we're anything alike. Where her life began in the country I am 100% a city cat.” 

 

( With rotating ears Pearline keeps track of distant sound.)

 

“Look, I'm not saying I'm suspicious of everything and everybody. But I'm also NOT saying that I’m not. New box in the hallway? I'll check it out from three different angles. Strange noise from the kitchen? Already on it, but I'm taking the long route with maximum cover. That's not fear, that's strategy.”

 

( Pearline creeps forward, then suddenly bops an imaginary target with lightning speed).

 

“I've got what Otis calls ‘alertness”’, whatever that is. What Edgar calls "WHY ARE YOU SWATTING ME?!" It’s not my fault everyone else moves before they think. I explore and I investigate. I occasionally launch a preemptive strike on anything that looks suspicious. Which are the best things?”

 

(Pearline looks around the room as if she’s staking out a mouse.)

 

“Roberta aka Ms Southern Kitty says I'm "high-strung." I say, I'm prepared for the unexpected. There's a big difference. Every new item needs thorough inspection. Behind every closed door could be a Yao Ming waiting to attack. So, when you have a cat like him in your house you must be aware of your surroundings at all times. “

 

( Pearline suddenly freezes and stares toward the door of the living room.)

 

“ Did you see Yao Ming Lorenzo? I don’t trust him with my golden eyes wide open.”

 

(With a quickness Pearline Sheba rushes back to the couch and hides. Not long after Pearline made her way to hide behind the couch her adversary appeared. A muscular cat with a unique ticked tabby pattern enters the room from the hallway. With a light bounce to his gait his hazel eyes gleam with

suspicion.)

 

 

 

“Yao Ming Lorenzo. Yeah… I know, it's a mouthful. You can just call me whatever sticks, honestly. I'm the new cat on the block, the outsider. Well, new since 2021. But when you're living with cats who've been here since ancient times you're gonna be "the new guy" for a while.”

(Yao sits down in the cat loaf position, one leg sticking out at an odd angle, watching).

“So there's this whole established crew thing going on, right? Otis is the wise elder. We get along great. Edgar the chaos party animal. He's cool too. And then there's “them”. Gerome aka G.E. with his perfect little routine. His sidekick Ella aka E.J. the size of Godzilla. Roberta Snowshoe, southern belle supermodel. Pearline Sheba doing her ninja surveillance thing like she owns the place. And, a crazy bird, Simon Simone, that talks too much.”

( Yao twitches his ears toward a sound coming from the kitchen. His hazel eyes tracking movement down the hall. In the background Pearline makes a dash for the kitchen.)

“I tried fitting in when I first got here. Didn't work. Maybe, maybe because I did chase and attack them? But would that have made a difference when you have your cliques, your territories, your little hierarchies. So I found my own way to participate.”

(He stretches with deceptive casualness with his claws extending just slightly.)

“See, someone's gotta keep things interesting around here, right? A little pounce when Gerome's not looking. A strategic ambush while Roberta is cooking her renowned southern flounder. And, stalking Pearline until she attacks me. “

(With a mischievous grin, Yao Ming sits up and looks up.)

“They rescued me in '21 or moreless I moved in. I got sick of those streets. Dogs and rain storms were getting on my nerves. And, the humans who had me did know how to care for me. I've been here ever since. Still the outsider. Still watching from the edges. Still making my presence known. One sneak attack at a time.”

(Suddenly Yao Ming turns to a noise coming from the hall, He turns toward the hallway in attack mode.)

“Who was that? Was that G.E. or Pearline or maybe Roberta the southern princess”

( As Yao Ming was sneaky down the hall, a young, white brown and grey slender tabby bright-eyed cat raced from the kitchen direction. He gracefully leapt upon the living room maple brown console table positioned against the wall.”

 

“Yay! Gerome Ellis aka GE! That's me! I was found at a gas station in 2023 and the rest is history. So yeah! I'm basically the baby of the family. But don't let that fool you, because I have already planned my next big expedition! I have plans to climb the tallest tree in the hood.”

(With one leap G.E. jumps to the near perrch upon the wall)